A Three-Headed Monkey
Look behind you...!
I found this on the last page of a review of Monkey Island. It's a narrative walkthrough of the first game, which came out in 1999. I still remember playing it with Anthony, back in the day when Lucasarts Adventure Packs were everywhere. Ah, the good ol days.
Anyways, here follows the short adventure of the colorful beginnings of a wanna-be-pirate, Guybrush. I lifted only a part of the text. The rest can be read online. I hope nobody minds. This comes from The International House of Mojo; credits are at the bottom.
The Memoirs of Guybrush Threepwood: The Monkey Island Years
For the benefit of those of you who have ever dreamed of becoming a pirate, of mastering sword and sea, of stealing unimaginable wealth, of swilling grog until your head reels and your stomach wrenches, and of questing for that mysterious and powerful elixir, true love, I, Guybrush Threepwood, do here set quill pen to paper in the hopes of discouraging you from trying. Learn by example, if you please...
Chapter One:
IN WHICH I ARRIVE ON MÊLÉE ISLAND IN SEARCH OF MY FORTUNE
I arrived on Mêlée Island™ weary from my trek across the open seas and missing the Old World already, but eager to become a real buccaneer. A crabby old lookout directed me to a bar, the Scumm Bar, the local pirate hangout.
I walked down the cliffside and along the dock until I came to the Scumm Bar, a rowdy establishment full of dirty, smelly degenerates: pirates. Two of the pirates in the front room, a friendly man named Mancomb Seepgood and an intimidating fellow with a rheumy eye, gave me some information about the local powers, including the fearsome---and dead!---ghost pirate LeChuck. I was directed into the back room, where the important-looking pirates that the lookout had mentioned held their table.
I gathered my courage and approached them. "I want to be a pirate," I exclaimed. They seemed unimpressed, but told me of the three trials I must undertake before I could be recognized as a true grog-swilling, foul-smelling pirate. I pressed them for more information on each of the three trials, and then left them to their grog.
It was time to grab some grog of my own. I waited until the cook waddled past to the front room. Then I stealthily slipped through the kitchen door. I couldn't find a mug for the grog, but, being a pirate-in-training, I stole a pot and an aging hunk of meat---not very interesting booty, but booty nonetheless. I even went after the fish lying on the dock out back. A sea gull kept me away until I found a loose board on the corner of the dock. I managed to drive off the pesky beast long enough to nab the fish.
Satisfied that I had skillfully pilfered all I could, I left the bar, looking for action...
Chapter Two:
IN WHICH I BRIEFLY EXPLORE THE TOWN AND DISCOVER AN UNUSUAL CHICKEN
I continued on my way, through an archway and into the town proper, where I approached a suspicious-looking citizen loitering on a corner. He mentioned his cousin Sven, so I told him about my barber, Dominique. I figured the conversation was doomed. Then, out of the blue, he offered to sell me the very map I needed to complete the trial of treasure huntery. I wanted the map, but I couldn't pay his price.
Across the street were some Men of Low Moral Fiber, the type my mother had warned me about. When I asked them about the man who tried to sell me the map, they tried to sell me a copy of the minutes of the last Mêlée Island™ PTA meeting. I convinced them to pay me two pieces of eight to relieve them of a copy. More booty!
Entering a door on the right side of the street, I discovered the local voodoo parlor. I steered clear of the voodoo stuff, but I did nab an unusual chicken. A rubber chicken, with a pulley in the middle. I had never seen anything like it in my life. So, of course, I stole it.
I met a mysterious, magical woman in the back of the parlor. She told me my future. Well, some of it.
I left the voodoo parlor and continued on through an archway beneath the town clock. Just past the arch was the entrance to a general store. The store was run by a crabby old man who held me so firmly in his gaze that I couldn't filch either the sword or the shovel I found. Unfortunately, my two pieces of eight weren't quite enough for a legitimate transaction. I needed gold, and I needed it badly.
I walked two doors down to a prison and tried talking to the prisoner, but all I got from him was a face full of rat-breath. I fled to the store, rang the bell for service, and asked for breath mints, which the old man happily sold to me. I returned to the prison and donated a mint to the prisoner, who, when I inquired, told me his name was Otis. I asked him why he was imprisoned and if I could get him anything, and he told me of a yellow flower that grows in the forest and asked me for some rat repellent. I told him that I didn't have anything for the rats, but I'd bring him some if I found it.
Deciding that the town had offered me all it was going to for now, I headed back the way I had come, beyond the lookout's post to the island paths.
Chapter Three:
IN WHICH I MAKE THE ACQUAINTANCE OF THE FETTUCINI BROTHERS, GET SHOT OUT OF A CANNON AND GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE
I hiked along the island paths to a clearing in the middle of the island, where I found a circus tent. Inside the tent I met Alfredo and Bill Fettucini, two argumentative clowns dressed in neon spandex. They offered me a job as a tester for a new stunt they had devised. They wanted to shoot me out of a cannon. When they offered me 478 pieces of eight for my trouble, I jumped at the chance. Anything for Spanish gold! I set the pot from the kitchen on my head as a sort of helmet and climbed into the barrel of an old ship's gun.
A few confused minutes later I staggered back onto the island path, head throbbing but pockets jingling. I stopped long enough at a fork in the road to explore a bit and find the yellow flower that Otis had mentioned. I picked a petal and returned to town.
Back in town, I spent my riches on everything available. I bought the map from the citizen on the corner, and I purchased the sword and shovel from the storekeeper.
Eager to use my shiny new sword, I asked the storekeeper where the Sword Master could be found. He wouldn't tell me the way, but he went off alone to the Sword Master's house to get approval for my visit. I grew tired of waiting for his return, so I left in search of training. I could get the storekeeper to show me where the Sword Master lived when I was better prepared for battle.
Transcribed by Jason from the Official Hintbook